Everyone, especially a child, wants to feel accepted and valued. So how do you build a child’s self-esteem? Does it mean giving endless praise or protecting kids from every disappointment?
Self-esteem is the way we see ourselves. If a child gets a low mark and thinks, “I need to practice more, so I can improve,” it shows healthy self-esteem. If they think, “I’m stupid and I’ll never be good at this,” it is a sign of low self-esteem.
Healthy self-esteem does not mean believing that you are the best at everything. Instead, it means that kids understand that their personal value does not depend on success or failure.
With positive self-esteem, kids often:
Children with low self-esteem avoid new challenges as they are afraid of failing and disappointing their parents and teachers. They are not sure about their abilities and often need an extra push to believe in themselves.
However, a positive and supportive environment can fix this. We’d recommend choosing schools that prioritize students’ wellbeing and comfort. For example, atBritish International School №2 in Moscow, students develop hard and soft skills and grow into confident learners and members of society.
Parents frequently ask how to improve a child’s self-esteem, but what is the right time to ask?. You need to step up and help your kid if you notice that:
One of the biggest misconceptions about confidence is that successful children never fail.
In reality, children often develop stronger self-esteem when they discover that mistakes are okay. Try to explain to your child that any mistake is a new learning opportunity. Imagine you’re doing homework together, and when your kid gets an answer wrong, you can say, “Let’s figure this out together” instead of focusing on the mistake.
Psychologists note that pupils build confidence better when adults allow them to struggle with manageable challenges instead of solving every problem immediately. Successfully overcoming small obstacles strengthens a child’s belief that they can cope with bigger ones in the future.
Many parents instinctively tell children, “You’re so smart!” However, psychologists have found that this type of praise may not always have the desired effect.
A study led by researchers at Utrecht University found that children with lower self-esteem who received praise focused on personal qualities (“You’re brilliant!”) often experienced more shame after making mistakes than children whose effort was praised (“You worked really hard on this.”). Researchers found that when children are praised for their effort, they learn that they can get better with practice instead of thinking that mistakes mean they have failed.
Confidence often grows when children realize that adults trust them. Ask your kids to:
This gradual independence plays an important role in building a child’s self-esteem because children begin trusting their own judgment.
Children often believe that intelligence or talent cannot change. But in reality, all abilities can be improved with effort, practice, and persistence.
As a parent, you can help your kid avoid phrases like: “I’m bad at drawing.” with “I’m still learning to draw.” Instead, teach them to add “yet” to their answer. “I can’t do this yet,” which means they can still try and succeed in the future.
Every child develops at their own pace.
Comparisons with siblings, classmates, or friends may unintentionally damage confidence.
Statements like: “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” rarely motivate children. More often, they increase feelings of inadequacy. Instead, compare children with their own previous achievements.
Children often need someone to hear their worries. When they describe a day at school, ask follow-up questions to show that you’re interested in what they are saying.
Supportive friendships can improve confidence. The key solution here is to find activities where children meet others who share similar interests. The British International School offers the full educational cycle for foreign families, includinga middle school in Russia. The school has over 30+ extracurricular activities where children can develop their talents and meet friends.
Every achievement deserves a celebration. Maybe your child has read one extra chapter or won their football match; these moments are perfect opportunities for celebration. Confidence develops gradually through many small successes rather than one major accomplishment.
Several additional ways can help:
Each activity helps children learn new skills and understand what they are good at. For example, when a child plays football, they practice, improve, and see their own progress. They start to feel more capable and discover their talents and interests.
Not necessarily. Feeling nervous before a presentation or uncertain when trying something new is completely normal. The goal is not to eliminate self-doubt. Instead, children should learn that uncomfortable emotions do not prevent them from succeeding.
Parents often search for how to boost a child’s self-esteem, hoping to find one simple technique that works for every family. In reality, confidence develops during lots of everyday interactions. Listening carefully, encouraging independence, praising genuine effort, allowing mistakes, and modeling healthy self-confidence all contribute to long-term emotional wellbeing.
Learning how to improve a child’s self-esteem is an ongoing process rather than a quick solution. Every encouraging conversation, every opportunity to solve a problem independently, and every experience of overcoming a challenge helps children build lasting confidence.
The most valuable gift adults can offer is not constant success but the belief that children are capable of learning, adapting, and growing throughout their lives. When that belief is nurtured consistently, healthy self-esteem can become a lasting foundation for future happiness, relationships, and achievement.